Long term illness and ever-changing sexual and kink drive. How do you cope?
Some people like me have Long-term conditions that can totally take over their lives. Historically, I’m an intensely sexual person whom can withstand and enjoy even the most extreme forms of kink revolving around pain. There’s a part of me that craves pain, on a regular basis. A part of me that gets completely submerged in pleasure and pain creating the rare occupancy of a blissfully blank mind. There’s a part of me that wants to go all night long collapsing in a puddle of bodily fluids.
More often than not the other parts of my brain and body scream at me, “ARE YOU INSANE!YOU WANT TO PUT ME THROUGH THAT!” Currently I’m a lot more unwell and weak compared to normal so my brain takes over and tells me, “Seriously you can barely make it down the driveway but you want to do that!?” So essentially I just end up in this eternal frustration cycle that grows and grows to an explosive point. As it stands my mind and body cannot cope with what will satiate the frustration. I’m not afraid of breaking during kink but that is a lot of responsibility to place on a partner knowing beforehand that’s the most likely scenario.
When already living with a level of pain constantly its easy to overload your brain with very little effort. There is however merit in having a big release of emotion. The fear of burdening others with your condition/s is always on the mind of someone with long-term illness. It’s a much more difficult decision to make than most would understand. It’s easy to feel trapped and frustrated. It’s twice as easy to give up on attaining your perfect level of need fulfilment. Giving up satiates the thought that you are being less of a burden to those around you and in doing so can make you feel more secure that those around you will stay around for longer.
Of course I’m fully aware all of these thoughts are fruitless and unhealthy but they are a truth, a truth of experience which I’m living. The battle is hard and constant. Trust that I’m fighting and I hope you all are as well against the intrusive thoughts and have people around you that can have a degree of understanding of your daily struggle.
Relying on others isn’t a weakness, it’s human nature and we all need that reminder sometimes. Find people who say things like “I know what I signed up for” and help you off the couch when your 24 turning 90 year old body wont budge all the while laughing at the amount of cracking and popping your body does at the smallest of movements.
An important part of finding supportive people comes from you, its to do with honesty. Especially with long term illness, you may actually be way better at hiding it than you feel you are. Most people may not even realise what’s happening until you’re honest and say something. When asked to do something you cannot manage its usually better to not only refuse the request but also give your reasoning with honesty. You’re allowed to say things like “no, my pain level is at its limit I cannot add any more”, “no my energy levels are only just keeping me upright today”, “no, I’m really putting on a front on today and I’m not coping.” You don’t have to push yourself all the time. I know we do but its important to take a break, gather your spoons back and trust that you’re not alone.
I know this is a more morbid post than usual but I decided I wanted you to know that Im here, I have my own experiences with pain and suffering and I want to offer you all the support you need during any time when you just cant quite keep it together. I wanted to share the truth about how it really feels to be kinky but ill. I want you to know you’re not alone, I want to validate your existence and share my love and understanding with you.
Further to this if you need assistance with finding professional support or even advice on kink but your have specific body capabilities do not hesitate to contact me and let me know what your needs are and I can work with you to help give you ideas and tips and hacks as to how to go about getting your needs met without risking your health.
Go to the contact page any time you need assistance and ill always do my best to answer any questions and offer assistance where I can and don’t hold back. NOTHING SURPRISES OR SHOCKS ME. If you have hormonal, genital, bowel problems come at me I totally understand.
I love you all and everyone is special in their own way, the human race is a spectrum and no one shares your place on that spectrum because there is only one you, you are important.