This is where you will find definitions for specific word or phrases with regards to kink and poly lifestyles. If at any time you find something in posts or anywhere on the site you think should be added to the list please comment or send me message through the contact me page.
ENJOY AND LEARN STUFF!
Communication & Consent & Saftey
Bodily Autonomy: Bodily autonomy is defined as the right to self governance over one’s own body without external influence or coercion. It is generally considered to be a fundamental human right. Bodily autonomy relates to the concept of affirmative consent, which requires full and eager participation in any sexual encounter. (sexinfo.soc.ucsb.edu/article/bodily-autonomy)
Gaslighting: Gaslighting also known as Ambient Abuse is when someone puts ideas in your head and convinces you of your guilt when it actually is not your own. Eventually it teaches the victim to distrust themselves and makes them stressed and unsure of themselves which can in turn make them more reliant on their abuser. An example of this behaviours which is common is when the victim notices something about their partners behaviour that is toxic like signs they are cheating but instead of the person at fault fixing their behaviour they start denying and gaslighting which is when they say things like “ it is all in your head” or ‘this is just your own anxious delusions speaking” or something along those lines. When you love a person its hard to fight against them which is what makes this technique so dangerous because the loving innocent party often falls into the trap of blaming themselves and believing the abuser because they do not wish to be parted from the one they love.
Consent: Affirmative consent is when someone agrees, gives permission, or says “yes” to sexual or non-sexual activity with other people. Consent is always freely given and all people in a situation must feel that they are able to say “yes” or “no” or stop the sexual activity at any point. This means that giving consent when you are pressured or feel like there are no other options DOESNT COUNT. Consent can be withdrawn at ANY TIME. Within the kink community it is common place that anything other than a verbal Yes is regarded as a no. It is important and i would advise to adopt the attitude of that anything other than a yes is a no and the yes should always be regarded as a yes only as a response to the specific thing that has been asked e.g. may I touch your leg, yes, it would then not be appropriate to touch their face.
Love Language: love language is the words or actions in a relationship that they respond best to and makes them feel secure and happy, also more than one language can apply to an individual. There are 5. Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality, Physical touch.
Effective communication: Effective communication is defined as verbal speech or other methods of relaying information that get a point across. An example of effective communication is when you talk in clear and simple terms. An example of effective communication is when the person who you are talking to listens actively, absorbs your point and understands it.
Needs: Can include many things that an individual cannot live without in order to be happy safe and secure in life. Needs intertwine many things such as basic human needs such as, love, shelter, food, sex etc but can extend further to needing higher levels of communication, touch, signs of showing they’re loved etc. the needs I speak of here are more in regards to relationships and kink. These needs are consent, communication and clear respected boundaries.
Toxic Behaviour: includes any behavior intended to cause non consensual harm in any form to an induvial, forms of toxic behavior can be gaslighting, manipulation, physical harm, restraint ect.
Dating & Ethical Non Monogamy
ENM– Ethical Non Monogamy
Polycule/Fam: the group of people which you are dating and they are dating. Essentially your dating group/dating family that you have created.
Polysaturated: when there is no room nor energy left for another partner and or relationship. You may hear people who are polysaturated say their dance card is full.
Unicorn Hunting: when a hetero couple seeks a bi female to join them. Unicorn hunters have somewhat of a bad rep in the community which ill speak about at some point.
Relationship Anarchy: Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a romantic couple. Relationship Anarchy doesn’t prioritise, rank or compare people and relationships – the philosophy is to cherish the individual and each unique connection to them. Each relationship is an independent, autonomous connection between individuals. A core aspect of RA is respecting others’ independence and self-determination. Each relationship is truly mutual. Love is not more “real” when people make concessions for each other just because it’s part of what’s expected.
Kitchen Table Poly: where all poly partners and metmors can have complete open and honest communication and spend time together without any conflicts of interest nor It having any negative affects on other partners.
Primary Partner: the Partner in which you make joint life decisions with and take somewhat of first priority in your life. Often a person you have children with or share a home with become a primary but for some this is more of a default primary. It makes logistical sense to call the person you share greater life responsibilities with to be a primary partner. In DS relationships a Dom or Sub can be primary partners also if there is “ownership” involved.
Secondary Partner: a partner whom is not primary. I’m not a fan of primary and secondary terminology but you get the drift of what it means to others. I understand the need for people who have higher responsibilities such as house and children to have a person whos decisions need to be prioritized however I do not agree with other partners not being able to voice their own thoughts in situations where they may be affected.
Metamor: Literally, meta = with; about +amor = love. Your partners partner. Someone you are dating’s partner of whom you don’t have relations with sexual or otherwise.
Triad: a relationship in where 3 people are dating each other. ie. Three people whom have relations with each other, every person is dating the other two.
Unicorn: a single individual, usually a bisexual female who is often sought out by swinging couples as a third person to play with.
Quad: extension of a triad where instead of 3 there are 4 people in the equation, each person is dating each of the other 3.
Swingers: people who wish for sexual relations outside of established relationships.
Sexuality and Genders
ARomantic: Does not associate with romantic attraction.
Bisexual: sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.
Gay: (of a person) homosexual (used especially of a man). However you may hear people use it with regards to lesbian, queer and homosexual.
Lesbian: a homosexual woman.
PanRomantic: Romantically Attracted to All Genders/Nongender identifying.
Pansexual: not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.
Polygamous: the practice or condition of having more than one spouse, especially wife. usually used in relation to Men having Multiple Female partners.
Queer: denoting or relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.
Asexual (Ace): Many Asexual people do not desire sex, however every Asexual person has a different relationship to sex. It can range from those who identify as sex-repulsed (strongly averse to sex) to sex-favorable (under certain circumstances sex is enjoyed). This Has no relation to romantic relationships.
HeteroRomantic: Romantically attracted to the opposite gender.
Non-amorous: Not interested in Any form of Committed Relationship.
Omnisexual is often used synonymously with Pansexual.
Polyamorous: The state of having multiple sexually or romantically committed relationships at the same time, with the consent of all partners involved.
Polysexual: involving or characterized by different sexualities; sexually attracted to more than one gender.
Transsexual: a person who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex.
BiRomantic: Romantically attracted to Men and Women.
Demisexual: Demisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person.
Intersex: Intersex people are individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that, according to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, “do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies”.
Polyandry: the practice or condition of having more than one husband at one time. usually used in relation to Women with Multiple Male partners.
Pronouns: are the terms in which people refer to each other that usually refer to a persons gender. Examples include: She/Her, He/Him, They/Them. My personal opinion is to use gender neutral terms unless absolutely certain of the identifying gender of the person or people you are speaking with or about.