The difference between Kink and Fetish and how they relate to one another. All concepts always have a Spectrum and Exceptions. Your own understanding and perception is what is most imortant. Only you specifically can say what your Kinks, Fetishes and Preferences are.
Merriam-Webster’s definitions:
Fetish: An object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.
Kink: Unconventional sexual taste or behavior
BDSM: Sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain.
bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism
NOTE: The d and s have also been taken to stand for dominance and submission.
Okay, so, those are the Definitions according to Merriam-Webster but what does it all mean and how do these things fit together and how are they different? That is what we are gonna talk about today.
First and formost any and all acts that involve others require Consent….period…..no if’s, no but’s. CNC, (consentual non-consent) is its own niche so we are going to leave that aside for now, however that also requires prior consent and careful planning and execution of the plan and nothing but the plan thats agreed apon with Enthusiastic Informed Consent.
Safewords are necessary for any and all Kinky interactions when you wish to involve another person in your fetish or kinks. Yes, i am going to repeat these things often across my posts because they are of extreme importance and ALWAYS going to be relevant. I do have a scene negotiation sheet for you available, for free. If you don’t know how or need assistance with having the conversation and communicating limits, PLEASE USE IT.
Now into the nitty gritty of Fetishes and Kinks. The difference as i understand it is that a Fetish, is something physically neccessary for sexual gratification, whereas a Kink, relates more to the act/behaviour/concept implied. For example; Cableties would be a Fetish and Bondage would be the Kink associated with the act of using said cable ties to bind someone.
Physical attributes that people need/want in a Partner are in fact Fetishes IF as someone helpfully pointed out you require them in order to get off otherwise they’re more of a Preference (Plus size, Dad bod, Muscular, Lithe, Hairy, Smooth, Piercings, Tattoos, etc.) whereas the Behaviours (Roles) of said Partners are Kinks (Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism, Brat, Primal, Pet, Slave, Master, Owner, Daddy/Mummy, Little, Middle, etc.).
Bondage is the “sadomasochistic sexual practices involving the physical restraint of one partner.” There are many people who have a Bondage Kink but the implement or means of binding varies therefore there are people into Bondage with specific fetishes or a wide range of many fetishes. Bondage can involve Fetishes for Rope, Handcuffs, Leather cuffs, Cableties, Plastic Wrap and many more means of binding. A popular and well known Kink is Shibari, which is often decorative and artistic, rope bondage. Shibari and/or Rope Bondage has many fetishes that people may have simply for this kink. Some people like using specific kinds of rope such as silk or hemp ropes. Many have specific physical body types they like to bind or be bound by (Binder:Rigger, Bound: Bunny) which is similar in nature to general physical preferences in partners.
Side note: With that being said someone who is a Rigger professionally may have preferences simply due to the experience and skills they have. This is not a fetish at all and an entirely reasonable.This only reflective of their own experiences and skill and if they don’t have confidence in tying a certain bodytype, absolutely, caution is advised and honesty of paramount importance. It isn’t personal, it’s a matter of saftey for everyone involved.
Discipline is “control gained by enforcing obedience or order” and/or “orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior”.
Dicipline comes in many forms, it can involve the Fetishes for Paddles, Canes, Whips, Bare Hands (Spanking Kink), Floggers, Crops etc. There are also different Kinks that come under the Banner of Dicipline and this largely relies on the persons interpretation of the action. This can mean that for some kinks such as Spanking, it would be considered Discipline but for others Spanking would be considered a Reward. Caging/Confinement can also come under different banners such as Bondage, Dicipline, Humiliation, Dominance. What matters is how those who engage in the kinks feel and react. Fetishes such as CockCages could be considered Dicipline for some and Bondage for others or simply Submissive in that the person may have given “Ownership” over their cock and/or orgasms to their Dominant Partner. To misuse a common phrase on purpose, “its the thought that counts”.
Sadism, “the derivation of sexual gratification from the infliction of physical pain or humiliation on another person”. Like most kinks under the BDSM banner depending on how the person feels about certain acts and implements depends under which banner they would place them. Generally speaking though, if any acts that cause pain for your average person turns you on, that would be classified as Sadism Kink i.e you’re a Sadist. If there are certain implements you would wish to use on someone in order to inflict pain on another person that turn you on more, those are your Fetishes. There are many impliments in the Kink/Fetish world designed to cause pain. If you have favourites, and/or use just those implements, then you have a fetish for those impliments and a sadistic kink for the use of those impliments.
Hopefully you get the general idea by now but theres still Masochism to talk about! Masochism is “the derivation of sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation by oneself or another person”. So Pain, you like it, you want it, it gets your motor running. You can have fetishes for certain impliments that cause certain types of pain and/or enjoy being humiliated. Theres seriously so much that comes under the Sadomasochism kink banner so theres no way i could explain it all to you in a simple way. Basically and i mean reallyyyyyyyy basicly, Masochism kink is the receiver of Sadism kink.
Its important to say, that there are different types of pain and there likely will be some things that are Hard Limits for you, in other words, things you will not get any pleasure from and you don’t want to do or experience. As an example of this, i have a fetish for impliments that cause a deeper thud impact, i have a higher tollerance for harder impact play, i enjoy that pain, but on the other hand, degradation is a hard limit for me, i absolutely do not derive any sexual gratification in being genuinely degraded. For me personally, theres a huge difference if someone were to call me a whore, as opposed to My whore, theres a differerence between spitting in my face and spitting in my mouth or on my genitals. I expect respect for what i allow to happen and for what i do and don’t enjoy. Honestly if any person who cannot respect what someone allows them to do has no business partaking in any form of kink.
Side note: i absolutely respect if degredation is your kink, i am only talking about my personal kinks above. There is no kink shaming here but absolute damnation for consent violations of any kind.
The D and S in BDSM can also mean Dominance and Submission. “A Dominant is a person who consensually receives power, authority, or control in a relationship, scene, or activity.” A submissive is “A person who agrees to submit or give up control in a relationship, scene, or activity.” Dominance and Submission are Kinks and the Specific impliments, body parts and tools related to these kinks are a Fetishes.
I know i flogged that hard…… pun intended. Some people need many examples in order to either relate to or process information so if you understood all that from the start then this post isn’t for your benefit and im totally fine with that! My posts are all about bringing people to a higher base level of comprehention when it comes to Kink, Fetish, Anatomy, Sexual activity and what all those things means for different individuals. Perception is important so much of the focal points of expressing oneself in a Kinky manner differ from person to person because of course they do!
Each person experiences things in a way that makes sense to them and depending on upbringing and learnt experience, chronic conditions, amongst other things, a persons perception of their experiences differentiate. Due to the varying nature of perception, concepts such as Safewords have a greater importance because we never truely know how a person’s brain and body are experiencing a kink or fetish. Having a system to communicate boundaries in place is of utmost importance because whether we wish to admit it or not, we all have trauma of some kind. Learnt Behaviour that society lured us into thinking was natural and/or acceptable and in a toxic environment with toxic people does and will alter your perception of the world around you and what is done to you as well as what you do to others.
Knowing the distiction between phrases can and will allow for clearer communication and i’ll forever be an advocate of clear and consice communication. Like me, many Neurospicy beans out there are very kinky individuals and rely on your ability to clearly communicate in an open and matter-of-fact way. I do not believe this should be something that is only realted to Neurodivergence but be considered the expectation of communication for all involved to be able to give Enthusiastic Informed Consent. Be specific, don’t be embarrased, say what you need and what you can provide and by doing what, using what tools. Try your best to minimise what can be open to interpretation by your actions.
So in a broader way of explanation, Kinks are the Concepts, Fetishes are the Tools used to perform a certain Kink (concept).
UNTIL NEXT TIME YOU KINKY FUCKERS!
Play Safe!
Shout Out to Hagar for the idea behind this post!
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