When It comes to safe sex in the poly community let alone poly relationships, Safe Sex is of paramount importance due to the potential connections which can cause STI’s to spread like wildfire. Safe sex in polyamory not only includes using protection and risk assessment but also communicating. Communication is important so that all people involved can make informed decisions about what risks (if any) they could be willing to take and monitor as opposed to outright prevent. Protection is often easier in theory compared to in practice and there are those who struggle with wrapping up which can mean that sex is near impossible when wearing protection.
There are many reasons why condoms can cause problems when it comes to “go time”, one of the most common causes of losing/unable to gain an erection is that it isn’t the right size. Think of socks, too small and you restrict blood flow and too big they fall of and don’t protect your feet. It is the same for your cock sock. An erection is literally excess blood flow into the genital area so restricting that will result in “pushing rope”. Too loose and not only do you make the protection aspect nil, I’ve also heard the phrase “having sex with a plastic bag”. Try out different sizing.
Another cause of issues with condoms could be a minor latex allergy in which case swap over to latex free, this is a good practice even if you aren’t as it can benefit potential partners who may be allergic. It is a very common allergy. I swear by Skyn condoms extra lube, they’re a blue packet. Which brings me to my next point, lubrication. Lubricant does help to a degree for a less restricting fit and can also stop issues such as friction burns and condoms tearing (especially if you and your sex partner partake is rougher or faster paced sex. This works both ways. Lubricate your penis before placing the condom and lubricate the outside also, a more comfortable experience for everyone. You don’t need too much. Another reason I swear by the extra lubricant Skyn condoms, easy peasy don’t have to think about it.
When faced with issues often enough it makes perfect sense that mentality starts to play a role. Never, and I’m serious, never feel embarrassed when you lose your hard on. It is completely normal, its not like porn, and guess what, they don’t maintain their erections without help from medications etc. because real sex generally does not go for as long as a porno anyway, do you know how many takes they have to do for different scenes?! Exhausting! Unrealistic! And let’s face it not exactly a deeper connection going on there either which every time makes sex wayyyyyyyyyy more enjoyable. You could have the above issues which are also super common and normal, or it could be as simple as, you’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re not in the mood.
With regards to condoms it is so very common for a mental reaction to occur due to past or recurrent issues. The solution is simpler than you would think, but It does take work. We must retrain your brain with some positive association. This can be done through having a “posh wank” which involves using a condom when you are pleasuring yourself. Don’t expect immediate results, its much like any other habit you try break, it takes work and commitment, so get to it! Involve partners where possible also. The point is creating a positive response to putting on a condom. Extra Posh wank awesomeness is Less Mess!
When you have multiple or many sexual partners, in the poly community on a whole, protection is somewhat of a common courtesy, its expected. However, in established relationships you can form fluid bonds or more extensive fluid bubbles. Simply put a fluid bond/bubble is between one or multiple people who are fully aware of risks and each other’s sexual health that share bodily fluids or rather, have unprotected sexual activity. When all risks and knowledge is shared, informed decisions can be made to consent to unprotected relations. This is where communication is paramount because without the information shared to an individual, they cannot give enthusiastic, informed consent. Further to this, it is important that a fluid bond/bubble have strict protected boundaries. I mean that outside of this bubble all sexual contact needs to be protected for the safety of all in the bubble.
Often STI’s transmitted orally can be ignored as a threat which is somewhat foolhardy and is precisely why in some areas there are a rise in reported cases. Chlamydia which can be transmitted orally as well as through unprotected sex has increased in reported cases “19-fold since 1990” (www2.health.vic.gov.au) in Victoria, Australia. STI’s that can be passed on through oral sex (Mouth to Genital as well as mouth to anus) include, Gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, HPV (Human Papillomavirus), HIV and Chlamydia. Further to this “infections such as Hepatitis A virus, Shigella and Intestinal parasites (amebiasis) can be spread through oral sex on the anus” (CDC.gov/std/healthcomm/stdfact-stiriskandoralsex.htm). Not to scare you, rather, I want to make sure you have appropriate information and resource to be able to give informed enthusiastic consent.
The easiest way to remain safe is to use protection, in addition to this good communication and normalizing sexual health conversations between partners is very important for healthy sexual relations in polyamory or ethical non-monogamy. This crosses into consent territory as previously mentioned because a person cannot give consent when they do not have access to the information in which to make a full informed enthusiastic choice for their own health and wellbeing.
I’ll leave it at that for today but hopefully you’ve learnt something or gained a more solid understanding that safe sex practices within Ethical Non-Monogamous or Polyamorous Relationships Involve more than just using protections. This is true for all relationships.
Be safe and speak freely.
Your ever-Concerned Vixen who wants the best for you!