We are here for you.
How do you know you’re Poly? How can you find out? How do you start out without causing issues for others? Where do you even start! You may be asking yourself one or all these questions and be quite nervous about how to move forward. Don’t you worry your pretty little heads my dears! The community is here to give you all the knowledge you need to make informed decisions and find what’s right for you.
The only way you’re going to find out what’s right for you is to get out there you romantic superhero of the world! Start talking, dancing, dating and gain some experiences that you can look at and go “yeah that was great” or “NOPE, not doing that again”. Don’t be afraid of the ‘NOPE” because how else are you going to know if something doesn’t not work for you and avoid that situation in the future.
I get it, dating one person, let alone dating multiple people can be stressful, you’re allowed to be nervous, you’re allowed to have misgivings, you’re allowed to be unsure of what you’re doing. What becomes a problem is if you don’t talk to us! What becomes a problem is letting these feelings stop you from gaining learning experiences. Generally speaking, people in the Poly community are like superhuman communicators and carers, we want to know when someone is struggling, and we want to help. We love making each other happy and we love LOVE! And I don’t just mean Romantic love I mean all forms of love, Platonic cuddles, Sensual love, Mental love. We love it all and the more we can help someone become a positive part of the community the better. The Poly community can become like a humongous dysfunctional supportive family to you if you let us!
When you’re starting out with dating with Poly in mind, remember, THERE IS NO TEXTBOOK POLYAMOROUS DYNAMIC TO FOLLOW. There are so many kinds of poly and there’s no need to make any decisions about what sort of relationship dynamics you want straight away. You may never have to make that kind of decision because often they evolve on their own and people take their places and roles within relationship dynamics naturally and in their own time as they work out what it is they need from each particular relationship they are in. All you need to do is keep dialogue open and pay attention to what each other’s needs are. In the future you may find out exactly what it is you need before you go on a date and that’s great but don’t stress at the beginning about not knowing exactly what those needs are.
Needs change and people evolve, no matter what age, according to their experiences. Without having these experiences its often impossible to know exactly what it is you want or need with regards to relationships. Sit back, relax, that’s perfectly normal! Don’t force yourself into making decisions if you are not yet sure of the correct path forward. What you can do to help yourself choose the general directions you want to head in is to gather up all the information you can about what all your options are, what experiences you’ve had that have worked or haven’t worked. Talk to the community, WE LOVE IT, we will often give you more information than you need!
Take chances, go on dates, talk to people about what works for them. Even for those who have been Poly for a long time, they start dating and find that the needs they have don’t match with the person they’re dating and often it’s a pretty cruisy step back. There’s nothing wrong with realizing “oops this isn’t quite working is it?!” Just make sure you let the person you’re dating know when things aren’t working. There is no reason you can’t be friends and still have awesome experiences together within the community at events and other social outings.
Your needs and boundaries are super important so when you figure them out, even if it’s a little later than you anticipated, DON’T STRESS. We are all adults here and we get it! On the other side of this if someone comes to you and tells you that it isn’t working for them and their needs aren’t being met (whether they knew those needs from the beginning and made you aware or not) don’t take it personally. It’s the worst thing you can do. Having different needs than what you are providing does not necessarily mean that what you provide is somehow wrong, what you provided to that person could very well be exactly what someone else needs. Not being a match for someone often does not reflect negatively on you as a person. Continuing in that relationship would be worse and detrimental to all parties, so be honest and attempt to not make things extra personal when it doesn’t work out.
Your poly life is what you make of it and the best possible advice I can give you is just to remain open to new experiences so that you can gain the knowledge to figure out what it is that will bring you the greatest happiness. Don’t be afraid and talk to us when you need to, I can promise you there is always someone ready to listen.
If you have any specific questions you need answered, by all means, get in contact on the contact page, if I don’t know the answer, I have the community at my fingertips and someone will be able to give you exactly the information you need.
Spread those wings my budding Poly Adventurers! I’m here for you!
Side note: If things do start to get a little out of control with your mental health when attempting to make changes in your life, I have quite a few friends that can offer counselling services that specialize in alternative lifestyles so if you are of the need and in the Melbourne, Victoria area, Contact me and ill put you onto the right people. Sometimes change is hard and new experiences can be a little too much for the brain to cope. Reach out, we are here and ready.
Feeling Super Duper Positive today about my Big, Positive, Poly community,
Join me in the Bliss of a Supportive & Loving Community,
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