The focus on climax is often times problematic with regards to sexual relations and the focus on only one kind of orgasm, even more so. We all need to take a step back and focus on the people and the feeling of what we do and come what may. haha geddit, cum what may, see what i did there?
Personally i’m Trans Masc and overall Vaginal penertration does sweet FA for me. I’m not going to orgasm with only vaginal penetration….period. It’s just not going to happen. My prefered intercourse is Anal with clitoral stimulation. I can orgasm with only clitoral stimulation but that can take foreverrrrrr and sometimes even doing all the things, it’s just not going to happen because i get bored FAST,
AND THAT’S OKAY.
Not having an orgasm during sex does not mean i’m not enjoying having sex. I don’t need to orgasm to get fullfillment and sexual gratification and even if i did have a penis i still wouldn’t need to cum to have a good time and enjoy myself. Let’s be real i dont just have a big bottom, I AM a huge bottom, it’s just fact. I can top but its not really my thing, because BUTT STUFF (*explosion of rainbows and jazz hands*).
What i enjoy is focusing on the individual i’m with, experiencing them, as a person, As more than just genitals. I can easily buy silicone genitals i want to play with if that were the case, without the headache of dating. Getting to know someone well enough to even consider being in the same room, let alone naked and under them is a qualm for me.
With all that being said, there is no slut shaming here, you do you boo, just don’t make others feel bad they did not reach climax. Honesty if you do have alot of sex and sexual partners though, i should hope you’re far more in tune with what to realistically expect from your partners anyway. Sluts are cool like that most of the time. It’s all about the ride, not the destination, as they say.
Talk to your sexual partners and see what they like. If you’re just having sex to get off and go, then that is going to make it a chore real fast. A good ol’ maintenace fuck is nothing to scoff at if thats what you AND the other person is after. However, if you expect others to be with you just to get off and not communicating, that is going to make for some pretty boring sex in my personal opinion. The maintenace fuck is great but only if you and the other person are on the same page and have the same goals. I’d highly reccomend Climax not be the goal though have fun, explore, communicate!
Theres a thing called the Orgasm Gap. The orgasm gap is everywhere it isnt just a CisHeteo thing. In fact, “It has been found that lesbian and bisexual women have significantly more orgasms than heterosexual women. Similarly, there’s an orgasm gap between women when they’re alone and when they’re with a partner. A study found that 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate, compared to 6% during sex. ” Seriously, that is just sad, PULL YA WEIGHT PEOPLE SHEEEEESH.
Making Climax the goal during sexual intercourse can take away from the pleasure of experiencing another body. It often rushes things and can cause great frustration if you don’t reach that desitination, when you were expecting it. Alot of women are also just going to end up faking it to get it over with and you out of their space if you’re not actually paying attention to what they’re into. Also, speak up, tell them what you like. Trust me, the frusration is real and once you feel it, it’s infinately harder to reach orgasm and even if you do, it’s going to be nowhere near as good as what you actually wanted in the first place.
A large part of the Orgasm gap issue is knowlege. It’s a cultural issue. ” A study conducted by Durex found that 20% of women said they don’t orgasm, compared to 2% of men. Three out of four women said they can’t achieve orgasm during sex and while 30% of men said they thought the best way to help a woman orgasm is through penetrative sexual acts, more than half of women pointed to clitoral stimulation as a way to make them finish.” Basically what thet means is that people were assuming their sexual partners knew whats what and ahhhhhh well it didn’t and doesnt end well. (….pffft or at all heh heh geddit geddit)
“Researchers from the Archives of Sexual Behavior assessed the sex lives of over 52,500 adult Americans. They found that the group most likely to always orgasm during sex were heterosexual men. 95% said they usually or always climax. 65% of heterosexual women said they usually or always orgasm, the lowest of all of the demographics studied. ” Sooooooooooo here’s what we do about that…. we learn from it and go “huh thats kinda problematic i should do something about that”. We should consolidate what society used to say was normal with the actual science of the the matter and maybe , just maybe, we should listen to what people say they actually like! whattttt! nooooo! reallyy!!!! who would have thought….. yes, im being sarcastic, i couldn’t help myself. Do the talky talky and looky looky and listen and taper your experiences of sex to what works for both you and that sexual partner and do that….. drum roll please………………….EVERY TIME! Commit your whole being into the exerience. I don’t mean you have to fall in love and date everyone, one night stands are totally fine. What i mean is physically pay attention to your sex partner’s body and take note of what they react to and taper the experience so that you both get the most out of it.
Emotions play a huge role in climax. Some days are gonna need something a little different. If you get into practice of communicating your desires and listening to your sexual partners desires, then you’ll actually know ahead of time what they think is gonna make them feel the best that day regardless of climax because ….even then…. it’s still okay if you don’t climax! Don’t worry about it, that is literally the worst thing you could do, better luck next time. Chalk that up to “ehhhh shit happens” and taper your likes and dislikes and experiences accordingly for next time, if applicable. If you think you actually have a problem and this happens consistently though, absolutely seek professional advice.
If your sexual partner isn’t a fan of a particular position or action, avoid it like the plague. Sexy time signals and brain chemicals are going to immediately close up shop the moment you do otherwise. NO MORE ENDORPHINS FOR YOU. Also that’s one hell of a consent breach and it’s not okay. I don’t care if you don’t know them personally, have some goddamn respect. CONSENT IS EVERYTHING.
Talk about what you like in order to allow for the other person to have space to express what they like and keep the guessing games out of sexy time….. COMMUNICATE. Knowing more about a person and their body is going to allow you to rock their world and vice versa, if only for a night.
DO NOT go without protection for one off occaisions. It’s disrespectful (“Dishonour on you! Dishonour on your cow!” Mushu, Mulan) to yourself and the person. You’re taking a risk with not just your health but their’s and that is never okay. Some people have weaker immune systems and fertility issues therefore at a higher risk of Permanent damage and infertility as a result of infection.
PRACTICE SAFE SEX AS A RULE.
STEALTHING IS A CRIME.
Keeping the safety of everyone involved a priority will allow for more trust and ability to just be in the moment and feel. Risk can be fun sure, but find another one that gets your rocks off without such drastic consequences to people’s health please.
2nd to lastly, please, for the love of god learn about Anatomy. You’re adults, you need to take ownership of your own learning now and put the time into learning what applies to you and your prefered partner’s anatomy. Preferably, you should learn about sexual anatomy in general because it will help in the pleasure giving and receiving department.
Last but not least , toys. sex/adult toys are not there to show you up, stop treating them as such. Don’t take their effectivness personally because the reason they even exist is that they are effective tools for pleasure. Take those tools and use them whether alone or on your partners. Lets close that orgasm gap and use what we got while we’re at it shall we ?
Studies continue to prove that the orgasm gap only exists as a cultural issue time and time again so there really isn’t an excuse anymore. The fact is that most people barely know what they are even working with and what feels good for their partner due to societal suppression of commication and education Sex. This is not a hetero only thing. Regardless of your sexual partner’s anatomy and gender, they are going to have things they like specifically that can differ from others who identify similarly. Sex should NOT be about reaching the orgasm/climax but rather should focus on what each individual enjoys the feel or experience of.
Some people are stimulated more with words, some with touch, some with sound and some like all of the above. Pay attention. If you’re not sure if they like something youre doing or allowing, open that mouth and speak louder for the ones in the back….haha im on a roll with the innuendos today i tell you what haha.
that is all from me today people,
i’ve said it once ill say it again,
COMMUNICATE.
Peace, go get your freak on,
oh yeah and go to my post on anatomy if you need a brush up. Maybe you’ll learn something.
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