This is where you will find definitions for specific word or phrases with regards to kink and poly lifestyles. If at any time you find something in posts or anywhere on the site, please comment. You can also send me a message through the contact me page. Use this option if you think it should be added to the list.
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Communication & Consent & Safety
Bodily Autonomy: Bodily autonomy means having the right to self governance over one’s own body. This must occur without external influence or coercion. It is generally considered to be a fundamental human right. Bodily autonomy relates to the concept of affirmative consent, which requires full and eager participation in any sexual encounter.
Check In: in any scenes of Sexual activity or Kink, it is important to regularly check in with your partner. Ensure they are comfortable. Confirm they are happy to continue. Notice if they are approaching their limits.
Consent: Affirmative consent is when someone agrees, gives permission, or says “yes” to sexual or non-sexual activity with other people. Consent is always freely given. In any situation, everyone must feel that they can say “yes”. They should also feel able to say “no” or stop the sexual activity at any point. This means that giving consent when you are pressured or feel like there are no other options DOESN’T COUNT. Consent can be withdrawn at ANY TIME. Within the kink community it is commonplace that anything other than a verbal Yes is regarded as a no. It is important to adopt the attitude that anything other than a yes is a no. A yes should always be regarded as a yes only as a response to the specific thing. The yes applies solely to what has been asked. For example, if someone asks, “May I touch your leg,” and the other person says “yes,” it is not appropriate to touch their face. The yes applies solely to the leg.
Effective communication: Effective communication is defined as verbal speech or other methods of relaying information that get a point across. An example of effective communication is when you talk in clear and simple terms. An example of effective communication is when the person you are talking to listens actively. They absorb your point and understand it.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting, also known as Ambient Abuse, occurs when someone implants ideas in your head. They then convince you of your guilt, even though it is not yours. Eventually, it teaches the victim to distrust themselves. It makes them stressed and unsure of themselves. This can, in turn, make them more reliant on their abuser. A common example of this behavior occurs when the victim notices toxic behavior in their partner. They might see signs of cheating. Instead of the person at fault fixing their behavior, they deny and gaslight. They make dismissive comments. They say it is all in your head. They also claim it is just your own anxious delusions speaking or something similar. When you love a person, it’s hard to oppose them. This is what makes this technique so dangerous. The loving, innocent party often falls into the trap of blaming themselves. They end up believing the abuser because they do not wish to be parted from the one they love.
Gay Culture: Gay or queer culture includes anything related to being gay or queer. It is largely subjective. There are many crossovers into other cultures like dating, ENM, kink, fetish, and consent. for example, rainbows, leather harnesses, jock straps, glitter, gay clubs, regular testing, sex positivity.
Love Language: Love language consists of words or actions in a relationship. These are what someone responds to best. They make them feel secure and happy. Additionally, more than one language can apply to an individual. There are 5. Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality, Physical touch.
Needs: Can include many essential things. These are things that an individual cannot live without to be happy, safe, and secure in life. Needs intertwine many things. Basic human needs are love, shelter, food, and sex, etc. Needs can extend further to needing higher levels of communication, touch, and signs of showing they’re loved, etc. the needs I speak of here are more in regards to relationships and kink. These needs are consent, communication and clear respected boundaries.
Toxic Behaviour: includes any behavior intended to cause non-consensual harm. This harm can occur in any form to an individual. Forms of toxic behavior can be Gaslighting, manipulation, physical harm, and restraint, etc.
Trauma Awareness: Many people have experienced situations that can colour their perceptions of actions and scenes. This is very important to discuss prior to the scene to avoid any triggers. For example, there may be an event in their life involving certain implements, such as knives. Certain actions or positioning, like from behind, could also affect them. If these are present or performed, they could shock them well out of their comfort levels. This may replay the event in their mind. Whatever may shock or scare them to that degree may be a hard limit for them (something to avoid). In scene negotiations, you should mention any particular triggers you have. Also, ask the other person if they have any. This way, you become “trauma aware”.
Vetting: Vetting in a Kink or dating scenario is much the same. It involves someone providing references. These references can be followed up to establish your safety with this particular person. A small scale background check confirms the person’s identity. Some people will vouch for them, or they will not. For kink, it’s good to develop the habit of providing references. This eases anxieties. You can speak to past play or scene partners about the person’s nature. Alternatively, you can talk to trainers or mentors about their skills.
Dating & Ethical Non Monogamy
ENM– Ethical Non Monogamy
Kitchen Table Poly: All poly partners and metamors can have complete open and honest communication. They can spend time together without any conflicts of interest. This setting does not negatively affect other partners.
Metamor: Literally, meta = with; about +amor = love. Your partners partner. Someone your partner is in a relationship with whom you don’t have relations with sexual or otherwise.
Polycule/Fam: the group of people which you are dating, and they are dating. Essentially your dating group/dating family that you have created.
Polysaturated: when there is no room nor energy left for another partner and or relationship. You may hear people who are Polysaturated say their dance card is full.
Primary Partner: the Partner with whom you make joint life decisions. This partner takes somewhat of first priority in your life. Often a person you have children with or share a home with becomes a primary. For some, this is more of a default primary. It makes logistical sense to call the person you share greater life responsibilities with to be a primary partner. In D/S relationships a Dom or Sub can be primary partners also if there is “ownership” involved.
Quad: An extension of a triad involves 4 people instead of 3. Each person is dating each of the other 3.
Relationship Anarchy: Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is not a limited resource. It can be real without being restricted to a romantic couple. Relationship Anarchy doesn’t prioritise, rank or compare people and relationships. The philosophy is to cherish the individual. It values each unique connection to them. Each relationship is an independent, autonomous connection between individuals. A core aspect of RA is respecting others’ independence and self-determination. Each relationship is truly mutual. Love is not more “real” when people make concessions for each other just because it’s part of what’s expected.
Secondary Partner: a partner who is not primary. I’m not a fan of primary and secondary terminology but you get the drift of what it means to others. I understand why people with higher responsibilities need someone whose decisions take priority. These responsibilities include managing a house and caring for children. However, I believe other partners should be able to voice their thoughts. They should do so in situations where they may be affected.
Swingers: people who wish for sexual relations outside of established relationships.
Triad: a relationship in where 3 people are dating each other. ie. Three people whom have relations with each other, every person is dating the other two.
Unicorn: A unicorn is a single individual. This is usually a bisexual female. Swinging couples often seek her as a third person to play with.
Unicorn Hunting: when a hetero couple seeks a bi female to join them. Unicorn hunters have somewhat of a bad rep in the community which ill speak about at some point.
Sexuality and Genders
ARomantic: Does not associate with romantic attraction.
Asexual (Ace): Many Asexual people do not desire sex, however every Asexual person has a different relationship to sex. It can range from those who identify as sex-repulsed. Sex-repulsed individuals for lack of a better word, are strongly averse to sex. It can also range to those who are sex-favorable, where under certain circumstances, sex is enjoyed. This Has no relation to romantic relationships.
BiRomantic: Romantically attracted to Men and Women.
Bisexual: sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.
Demisexual: Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. It is characterized by only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person.
Gay: (of a person) homosexual (used especially of a man). However you may hear people use it with regards to lesbian, queer and homosexual.
HeteroRomantic: Romantically attracted to the opposite gender.
Intersex: Intersex people are individuals born with variations in sex characteristics. These include chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals. According to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, these variations “do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies”.
Non-amorous: Not interested in Any form of Committed Relationship.
Omnisexual is often used synonymously with Pansexual.
Polyamorous: The state of having multiple sexually or romantically committed relationships simultaneously. All partners involved give their consent.
Polyandry: the practice or condition of having more than one husband at one time. usually used in relation to Women with Multiple Male partners.
Polysexual: involving or characterized by different sexualities; sexually attracted to more than one gender.
Pronouns: are the terms in which people refer to each other that usually refer to a persons gender. Examples include: She/Her, He/Him, They/Them. I believe we should use gender neutral terms. We should use specific pronouns only if we are absolutely certain of the gender identity of the person. Make sure we know the identifying gender of the people you are speaking with or about.
Transsexual: a person who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex.
Sexual Health and STI/STDs
Anorgasmia: The condition where a person cannot achieve orgasm despite sufficient stimulation. This is most common in women even more so post menopause. It’s especially rare in young men.
Thrush aka Candidiasis: is a yeast infection of the skin or mucus membranes caused by candida. most common types are Vaginal, Cutaneous (skin & nails) and oral. thrush can be experienced regardless of gender. It causes irritation, itchiness pain and discharge. There a many over and under the counter antifungal medications available for an outbreak. This condition is common and does not rely on sexual activity. Instead, it is a disruption the natural flora. It is not technically classified as an STI. However, you should still abstain from sex until the infection is cleared.
Cardiovascular health: the circulation of blood to a body part. This circulation can become narrowed or blocked due to cholesterol, clotting, malformations to name a few. This can be controlled through exercise, diet, surgery and medications.
Chlamydia : Bacterial infection. It can be passed through both oral and penetrative sex. Honestly, most infections can be, contrary to popular belief. Very common, can be treated with antibiotics. If left untreated can cause inflammation and pain and ultimately, infertility, in some cases pelvic inflammatory disease.
Endometriosis: this is a condition where the endometrial tissue grows outside of the uterus. this can cause a whole range complications and a lot of pain. organs can be fused together, can spread deep into other tissues such as bowel, rectal bladder, vaginal, muscular, diaphragm etc. Although rare this can be deadly if spreads through your diaphragm. It IS a common and debilitating condition. Many professionals are not taking it seriously enough. This is a problem I have personal experience with.
Erectile dysfunction: When a penis owner can’t get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.
Fibromyalgia: chronic pain that is widespread and/or constant. people with Fibromyalgia often have pain accompanied with fatigue sleep issues, memory loss and altered moods.
Genital Warts aka Condyloma Acuminatum: is small bump or bumps caused by the human papillomavirus. genital warts can be removed by surgical procedure or topical medications. this is the most common STI.
Gonorrhea aka The Clap: bacterial infection usually causing painful urination and discharge from genitals. Can cause pain in vagina, testicals, lower abdomen however in some cases can have no symptoms and go undetected. If not treated can cause infertility. can be treated by antibiotics.
HIV: Human Immunodeficiency virus is an infection that attacks the immune system leaving the body vulnerable to infection and disease. Transferable through bodily fluids like blood, breast milk, semen and vaginal fluids. IT IS NOT TRANSFERABLE THROUGH KISSING, HUGGING OR SHARING FOOD. HIV IS PREVENTABLE AND CAN BE TREATED THROUGH ANTIRETROVIRAL THERAPY (ART). At first infection most people have no symptoms or mild flu-like symptoms.
HIV AIDS: If left untreated, HIV can progress to AIDS, also known as Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome. This is essentially when the immune system crashes entirely, leaving the body unable to fight off infections or cancers.
Mastisis: This is infection of the breast tissue causing inflammation and burning pain, most common in breastfeeding mothers.
Menorrhagia: unusually heavy bleeding from a period. Can cause significant pain during menstruation and be debilitating.
Mycoplasmia Genitalium: Small pathogen that lives on mucus epithelial cells of urinary and genital tracts.
Pelvic Floor health/strength/atrophy: this relates to a variety of conditions relating to the pelvic floor. Usually this is the inability to correctly relax or flex pelvic floor to have a bowel movement. 50% of women who have given birth and 16% of men are affected by these conditions.
Polycystic ovarian syndrome: PCOS is a condition that causes enlarged ovaries and many cysts on the outer surface. This is a hormonal disorder which can affect many areas of the body and also influence mental health. Many people with PCOS experience irregular hair growth. They may also have mood swings and painful, heavy, or irregular periods. Other symptoms include weight gain and infertility, to name just a few.
Streptococcal pharyngitis aka Strepp Throat: bacterial infection causing sore and scratchy throat.
Vaginal dryness: exactly as it sounds. This condition occurs when the natural ability of the vagina to self-lubricate is impaired. It is often due to medications. Lubricant during sex is important for intercourse with vaginal dryness so as not to cause injury or discomfort.
Vaginismus: involuntary muscular spasms which can occur with penetration and can cause serious pain. this can make penetrative sex very uncomfortable and/or painful.
Vulvodynia: chronic plain at the opening of the vagina which can make sitting or sex uncomfortable. some people refer to this as “lightning crotch” its common through pregnancy.
Vulvovaginal atrophy: VVA relates to the decreased estrogenization of vaginal tissue which can cause dryness, irritation, soreness and urinary incontinence.
Sexual Activity
69: the act of 2 people lining genitals up and performing oral sex on one another simultaneously
Air Tight: where all holes are filled usually anal, vaginal and oral.
Anal Sex: the act of penetrative sex using the anal passage.
Blow Bang: like a gang bang but blowjobs only, no penetrative sex.
Blowjob: oral sex usually pertaining to Sucking/licking/oral loving of the penis.
Creampie: where the ejaculate is the cream and the passage of the other person is the crust. you do the math! basically bareback aka non protected sex is performed and ejaculate (cum) is left inside.
Cunnilingus: oral loving of the vaginal (going down on someone with a vagina)
Cuntification: is where typically penis owners position their genitals in a way that resembles a vagina. there are “toys”/”implements” that help with this. The name is pretty vulgar but perfectly reasonable act that is often performed by “Sissy” or “femmeboi” types. Think taking feminisation to a new level and performing sexual acts as though this person was female. THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ANY TRANSGENDER RELATED SEXUAL ACTIVITY. Though obviously AMAB people (assigned male at birth) can certainly partake. regardless of gender identity, it’s just typically related to feminisation kink.
Deep Throat: The act of deep oral where a person takes the penis or phallic object deep into their throat.
Dogging: Public sex essentially. When people gather to have public sex, they’re going “dogging”. (Illegal do not condone or recommend, do on private property with permission if you want).
Docking: When a partner with a foreskin rolls their foreskin forward over the head of another person’s penis. then using the foreskin to slide back and forth over the heads of both in a Hand Job.
Double Penetration: Being penetrated with two phallic objects or penises. Double penetration is usually referring to anal and vaginal penetration simultaneously. however Double anal and Double vaginal penetration is being penetrated twice over in the ass OR vagina respectively.
Face Sitting: the non-gendered version of queening which is exactly what it sounds like. someone sitting on another persons face, usually to receive oral loving to that area.
Facial: Ejaculating on someones face
Fisting: Penetrating someone vaginally or anally with the whole hand. (not everyone can do this, stay safe, be careful, go sloooooooooowwwwwwwww).
Foot job: Using feet on another persons genitals.
Foursome: when 4 people engage in sexual relations.
Fucklicking: In a 3+ some when person number 1 and 2 are having penetrative sex. a 3rd person gives oral loving to the area that’s being penetrated as well. Licking the area that’s being fucked at the same time whether anally or vaginally.
Frotting: Rubbing genitals against a surface for sexual gratification. Grinding in a club, dancing, for example, is frottage. (This action can be non-consensual in a crowd. This is NOT okay, and I do not condone any behaviors without consent).
Face/Throatfuck: 1 person holds their head is held in position while penis owner penetrates mouth. Does all the movement essentially “fucking their face and/or throat.”
Gangbang: where a (usually one) person is being penetrated by many people in turns. A group of people having sex with one person at the same time.
Gloryhole: where someone places their penis through a hole and receives (usually) oral from a stranger on the other side of the wall that they can’t see. Anonymity is commonly the whole point/kink.
Hand job: Manual hand stimulation to genitals.
Masturbating: Self-loving, bringing yourself to orgasm through touching your own genitals.
Moresome: More than 4 people engage in sexual relations.
Mutual Masturbation: 2 or more people masturbating together for mutual satisfaction.
Nipple Play: Some of these are obvious and straightforward but I’ll explain anyway for clarity sake. Nipple play is anything that focuses on the sensations perceived through nipples. Whether just touching with hands or using clamps etc if it focuses on nipples its nipple play.
Oral: Stimulating the genitals with mouth and tongue
Pegging: the act of a non-penis owner, using a dildo or strap-on to penetrate a penis owner anally.
Prostate Massage: Using fingers or implements to rub on the inside front wall of the anal cavity. this is where the prostate is situated which can cause pleasure and a stronger more pleasurable ejaculation.
Queening: Facesitting
Rimming/Auralingus: Oral loving to the anus area aka Eating ass
Sexting: Messaging sexual content to one another
Squirting: there are 2 kinds of squirting from a vagina owner. The most common is an involuntary forceful release of urine. This causes a spray-like effect. The other kind is fluid released by 2 ducts in the labia. However this is rarely noticeable. Squirting is usually referring to Involuntary Urination of a vagina owner when sexually stimulated.
Swinging: the act of couples swapping partners and engaging in sexual activity with others (consensually with complete knowledge and understanding of what is occurring)
Threesome: sexual experience with 3 people
Triple Penetration: the act of 3 penis’ penetrating a person vaginally and anally.
Urethral Sounding: a sound is an instrument inserted into the urethra. The purpose is to stimulate the inside of the urethra and prostate internally. Some use Sounds as an edging device on penis owners disabling the ability to ejaculate by “plugging the hole”.
Vaginal sex: The act of penetrative sex using the vaginal passage.
Yoni Massage: Yoni is Sanskrit for Vulva or vagina. This massage is usually a sensual and spiritual focus. It is designed to help a vagina owner connect and create a stronger relationship with their body and pleasure.
Kink & BDSM Safety
FRIES:
Freely given: You are not coerced or compelled and you feel comfortable saying no.
Rescindable: You can withdraw consent at any time.
Informed: You have a good understanding of what you are consenting to.
Enthusiastic: “Yeah”, “alright”, “maybe”, “uh huh” are not enthusiastic. “Hell yeah!” is enthusiastic.
Specific: Your consent is understood to be given ONLY for this time, this place, this activity, this location, these people.
PRICK – Personal Responsible Informed Consensual Kink
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Safe Word: A word that is unlikely to come up in the context of the Scene. Either Dom or Sub can say it. It ceases all activity and play. It effectively ends the scene.
SSC – Safe Sane & Consensual. All partners must be of sound mind and consensually agree to participate safely in an activity.
Stoplights (Safewords): Safewords recognised by the kink/BDSM communities at large
RED: a universal safeword for STOP, effective immediately. All Play Cease.
YELLOW/AMBER/ORANGE: Slow down, approaching Limits, check in.
GREEN: Go, Yes, Consenting, Continue, Not approaching any limits.
FoxHacks 